My makeup obsession started at a young age. I loved it when my mother would put a touch of lipstick on me when I was three and four. I remember having play makeup when I was a little bit older. I had Tinkerbell makeup. It was horrible stuff, but I thought it was great at the time. I had pressed powder in a compact, two shades of lipstick, pink and red, blush, three shades of peel off nailpolish and perfume. Everything had a strong flower scent to it. I wore this cakey, thick makeup whenever my mother let me. I would douse myself in the perfume. My father used to say I stank when I wore the perfume. I would always tell him he was wrong. I smelt good because I was wearing Tinkerbell perfume. I just knew Tinkerbell would never sell stinky perfume. I earned the nickname Stinkerbell from that. I apply smaller amounts of nicer perfume now, but the nickname still pops up every now and then.
Once I hit sixteen, makeup was at a whole new level. I discovered foundation, lip liner and eyeliner. All of which I wore too dark and too much for too long. I had fun with my makeup back then and even though the pictures make me cringe most of the time, I felt good about myself. I toned down the makeup once I hit college.
My essentials have been lip gloss, eyeliner and mascara since I was sixteen. I’ve always felt bare without them. I don’t do the full face of makeup everyday anymore. I haven’t since high school. I don’t bother with cover-up because I can never get it right. I always end up breaking any compact of press powder I buy, so I stopped using it. I never wear foundation in the summer, unless I’m getting all dressed up. It’s just too hot to bother. I only use blush when I’m looking paler than average. I like eye shadow. It’s fun to play around with. I love eyeliner and mascara because I think they help make my small eyes and short lashes look bigger and longer. Lip gloss and lipstick are just as fun as eye shadow.
I used to be really bad when it came to makeup. I remember wearing makeup to bed when I had my first adult relationship. I didn’t want him to see me without makeup. Looking back on it, I think it would have been better for him to see me without makeup rather than waking up next to a face with smear marks all over it. I was young. What did I know?
I used to wear makeup when I was sick too. Even if I was staying home in bed. I would put it on just to make myself feel a little better.
I can honestly say there hasn’t been a day I have been without at least lip gloss since my son was born. It took almost 10 years for me to have a makeup free day. Now I have them all the time. I only bother with makeup when I’m going out somewhere or I’m bored and have the time to put it on. The only time I leave the house not wearing makeup is when I’m going to the gym (who would wear makeup to the gym?) or of I’m just going to a little stroll with the baby.
Some days I miss wearing makeup and pause long enough to whip on some mascara. Other days I’m glad I’ve learned not to care so much. Those are also the days I don’t get anything more than my face washed and my teeth brushed. I’m glad I’ve learned to accept myself more without makeup. I lay a large part of this self esteem growth on my beloved. He can look me straight in the eyes and say he loved me and calls me beautiful whether I’m wearing makeup or not. And even though I haven’t had good self esteem most of my life, I feel beautiful when I’m around Steve. Funny what love, or a kick-ass lip gloss, can do.
Until next time…