Thursday, January 24, 2008

The End is Coming

Three weeks and three days.

That’s how long I have until I have to go back to work. Oh, how I’m dreading it. I’ve always said I don’t know how stay at home moms could do just that; stay at home. I do now. As long as there’s little ones in the picture, it’s so easy and fun to stay at home. If I could, I would. I would sign my little monkey and myself up for Gymboree and fun stuff like that so we could meet other moms and tots. I’d have more people to talk to than just my ten-month old. Monkey Man and I have been joined to the hip for almost eleven months now, twenty-one months if you count my pregnancy when he really was attached to me. Remember, pregnancy is forty weeks, that’s ten months, not nine. I can’t imagine not having him by my side nearly every minute of the day.

I am going to cry on my way to work my first day back. I’ll be calling home as often as possible just to hear his happy screams in the background. I’m going to be glancing at his picture whenever I think I have a moment to myself. I’ll be daydreaming of all the fun we normally have throughout the day together. I’ll be worrying Grandma is spoiling him too much and not taking the time to try to teach him stuff. I’ll be stressing out over the thought of Grandma not knowing the words to all the songs Monkey loves and him learning them wrong. It’s the itsy bitsy spider, not the inky dinky! And the sun dries up the rain, not the water! You row your boat gently down the stream, not up the creek! And you wonder what the twinkle star is, you don’t wish on it. That’s a completely different rhyme. Let him do the clapping in If You’re Happy And You Know It; let him do his jazz hands to The Itsy Bitsy Spider until he knows how to do the spider. He enjoys that. I want to be the one who enjoys it with him.

So here I am, during naptime, stressing over only having three weeks and three days left to enjoy every single minute of the day with my son. While my little monkey is awake, I’m cherishing every drop of our time together joined at the hip. Oh, how I wish I could stay with him until he’s ready for school. I love being the one to teach him things. I love being the first to see him do new stuff for the first time. I love just being with him. I never knew just how precious this time together would be before I had him. I never understood before. I do now, and a part of me wishes I didn’t. It wouldn’t be so painful to leave him if I didn’t know.

Until next time.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Another Day, Another New Year

Happy 2008 to the extremely few who bother to read this. I hope you have a fantastic year.
2007 flew by so fast for me. I suppose I can thank my son for that. It feels like he was born yesterday; only I’m no longer in pain and 37 pounds lighter (I don’t look or feel it, but that’s what the scale tells me), and he’s a hell of a lot bigger and no longer my little wiggle-ly blob. I also think I know a little more about babies than I did. Before I had my little monkey, I didn’t know how to hold a newborn let alone diaper, bathe, dress or feed one. I think I’ve come a long way.
Yes, 2007 was more of a blur than anything else.
I’m a little relieved about it too. After surviving the year that would never end (2005), a quick year is much appreciated.
I did not make any resolutions this year. I, like billions of other people, can’t seem to keep them. I have goals I’m working on. The same goals I had last year. Lose weight, get a new job and do a little more growing up. I’m an adult by age, but I don’t think I’m quite grown up just yet. There is a world of difference between being an adult and being grown up. Being an adult just means you can drink, buy cigarettes and vote. Being grown up involves a lot more. In a way I feel guilty I brought a naïve little baby into the world when I’m so naïve in so many ways myself.
How many 26-year-olds do you know have never paid an utility bill? Congratulations. You now know one. Me. Someone has always taken care of it for me. I know enough to know each and every utility has a bill that needs to be paid, I just have never had to be the one to pay it. At least I know enough about getting bills paid on time.
I hope this year is a nice quick one again. I’m going to do my best to get through it with a smile on my face. And hopefully I’ll continue on my path of weight loss. It would be nice to ring in 2009 in a new pair of pants.
Until next time…